I had never felt pain quite like that before. Never. The piercing pain of a knife cutting into my stomach was vastly different and way worse than any excruciating labor pain, even during the difficult period of transition.
My sweet little Jeremy John was born in May of 2010 with the lovely Apgar score of zero. Yes, zero. Crazy. When the doctor started cutting my stomach open at the start of the cesarean section, I felt everything. Ouch. Seconds after I raised my body off of the gurney screaming in pain, some kind of IV medication immediately halted everything. Unfortunately, that medication flowed right into the precious body of our sixth child, thus giving him the dreaded Apgar score of zero. (Plans for my fifth V-BAC–-vaginal birth after cesarean-–failed; Jeremy was just too big. That is for another post.....)
Who knows if this incident is the cause of his Autism? Doesn't matter. Who we are left with is the most precious, amazing, interesting little person ever. And we are blessed to call him our son. Jeremy was specifically chosen for our family by a God who knows him inside and out. The old saying "God doesn't make mistakes" is true! And He is using this little boy to radically change me into the person I need to be. A very crucial part of my daily sanctification includes lessons in patience, and Jeremy offers many opportunities for this. 😊
So, if I am to truly give thanks in all circumstances, as Scripture teaches us to do, this would then include being thankful for the diagnosis of Autism--thankful for each and every one of Jeremy's "episodes," for each and every battle scar. Being grateful is a daily, cognitive effort with a tremendous payoff, something I need to remind myself of often. And realizing that all of this is a gift from the One who created me and knows exactly what I need to be refined and molded into His image is truly half the battle. A gift with strings attached, you might say. And this precious gift is a blessing as it causes me to rely more and more upon my Savior. God is good. And He gives good gifts. Jeremy is definitely one of them.